The Struggle

So, I joined Hinge last week, described by a friend as “the classy Tinder.” This week I’m slowly realizing that I joined much to my own chagrin, which, of course, should be read: “I have no matches.” Normally I would post a picture of myself here and say something like, “see, not a bad looking guy.” But, unfortunately, I just started this blog and have idea how to do anything yet. So, for the time being you’ll just have to trust me when I say that I’m not ugly.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

1) Never take the advice of your peers who don’t understand the lives of normal-looking people. Throughout my life, I’ve had a knack for being best friends with the Adonises of the the world. Or would the plural be Adoni? Either way, the point is, I have good-looking friends who seem to think that their fantasy life can be applied universally to us “normies.” This is all knowledge that I wish I had been introspective enough to know before creating this profile, but instead, I went to one of my good-looking friends for advice.

After countless hours of sending and receiving picture messages on my phone, we finally agreed on the ordering of my pictures (he didn’t completely support it). I decided to be honest on the sight and give my height. I’m a short guy, but have been told I do not carry myself as such. The jury is still out on whether that can be considered a positive. Nevertheless, “no matches” changes a man, and subsequently the ordering of his pictures. I’ve fumbled around with my pictures about 8 times, thought about taking my height down, but ultimately decided to submit to the whim of my good-looking friend who provided lots of reassuring “dude, trust me” pick-me-ups in the process. According to him the matches should start “flowing in,” but I remain skeptical.

2) Are there any black people on Hinge? I’ve seen ONE black girl so far. Don’t get me wrong, I find all races attractive and have dated multiple races, but I honestly don’t see an understandable reason for this. Someone came at me pretty aggressively the other day and said “well, it’s based on your friends of friends, maybe you just don’t know many black people.”

As much as it pains me to do it, this elicits the same response as someone trying to prove they aren’t racist. Simply put, I have black friends. Whether you’re white or black, life isn’t some tally of the amount of black people we know. I feel like sometimes people make it out to be that someone either hangs with black people all the time or not at all. Surprise! There is in fact a middle ground. People exist who can fit into both circles, you know, because we are human beings who can make our own decisions on with whom we associate. All tangental rants aside, I was a bit disappointed in the lack of diversity in choice. Hinge says that over time they will start to recognize your preferences based on your favorites. Seems like everyone’s favorites are going to end up being California blonde girls (if you are in the LA location).

3) Where do we go from here? (if your mind naturally said “turn all the lights down now” after reading that, we are going to be great friends – for those who don’t know, that would be Feeling This by Blink-182) One thing I’ve learned from my one year in the real world is that finding “the right” relationships are tough. You go out to be social and find a girl you like at the bar or club. “Son, I remember when I first met your mom, she looked so brilliant in the neon laser lights. In our drunken haze we laid eyes on each other and the rest is history. I took her home, we hooked up, and three hook ups later we went on a date.” You try to find a girl at work but interoffice relationships are frowned upon. Everyone sits just one bad hook-up away from a tarnished reputation. Or, you swallow your pride and join the eHarmonies and Match.coms of the world. In all honestly, those are starting to seem like the best bet in a big city.

The point is, don’t get discouraged. If I don’t get a single match within the year on Hinge, I don’t care, there are other opportunities and chances out there to meet someone. Being a pessimist is easy, but being an optimist is hard. Understanding the reality and knowing how to avoid letting it deter you is a valuable skill that everyone can use. That’s not to say that putting it into practice is easy, because it’s not, but it’s certainly a step in the right direction.

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